Are you the mom you always dreamed you would be? If a resounding “NO” just blurted from your mouth without you even thinking, than I’m in good company. So what is it? Are our dreams of being a stellar mom so far fetched that they are unreachable, or are we spreading ourselves too thin each day leaving nothing left to reach superstar status?
Resignation of a dream
For me, I always wanted to be the mom that had the time to make all my kids food from scratch. To bake, cook, juice, and puree to my hearts content so my boys would get only the purest, most natural foods full of antioxidants, dipped in angel tears and sprinkled with pixie dust.
I KNOW, I KNOW!! Completely delusional! I was so young and naive two years ago. How could I have ever known I would morph into the mom who feeds her kids store bought Bear Paws and Welch’s while we’re out and about.
GASP!! Toxins, GMO’s, and gluten oh my!!!
I am so far away from my made-up superstar mom status that I’ve converted to the dark side and settled. Settled on being sub par; to feeding my kids the healthiest foods I can muster up and that’s it. After months of stewing and feeling inadequate I came to realize their are only a handful of hours in the day that I call my own, typically from 8-11 pm, and I will be dammed if I spend any more time obsessing or focusing these precious moments on my kids.
I’ve resigned myself to accept that surviving each day with kids is superstar status enough and it’s time re-evaluate what’s really important in the long run… my kids eating all natural foods, or my sanity. I CHOOSE ME!!
Dream Mom vs Reality
Let’s shatter the whole image of what you dreamed your life as a mom would be, compared to how you really mom each day. Yes, I’m using mom as a verb because being a mom is an action. It’s small actions and choices you make every day for the well being of your children and your family.
Our house looks posh and trendy with vases and nick-knacks from our world travels. Everywhere you look is like a feast for your eyes.
You could eat off the floor it’s so clean. Your feet actually become cleaner and end up smelling more fresh when you walk on my floor.
My patience and grace are palpable. I exude calmness and radiate sunshine; a disposition my kids gladly adopt as they play endlessly together with glee and giggles.
Supper is always warm and ready for my loving husband to come home from a long days work.
I pick my own garden fruit and vegetables to accompany all our meals and snacks.
I can cook like Jaime Oliver while maintaining a figure like Giselle (minus a few inches)
All of the pretty things are gone. My house is riddled with toys, trucks, containers, and things that hurt my feet when I step on them five million times a day after I put them away repeatedly, only to find them on the floor two minutes later.
Well, my kids do eat off the floor… the floor hasn’t been washed in months but it helps their immunity right?
My patience is palpable because you can cut the tension in the room with a knife. My mom glare is like daggers making my kids cry instantly… how’s that for grace?
Supper comes in the form of bags and boxes being opened and thrown together last minute. Or burning the meal because I thought I would be super mom and cook while the kids were in the tub… pizza to the rescue!!
I open wrappers of Welch’s, Sunripe fruit bars, wash berries, and dethaw frozen veggies. Boom!
I cook like cousin Eddie’s wife Catherine from National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation while alternating between wearing mom jeans and leggings.
Time to let go
The only way to let go of the crazy notion that you can live up to your super star dream mom status is by accepting that you too are human. Sigh!! No matter how hard we mom, we can't and shouldn't expect ourselves to be able to live up to outrageous standards we set for ourselves or use for comparison. Don't get me wrong, it's great to set high expectations and to have goals for yourself for what you would like to achieve, just try to be kind to yourself if or when you fall short.
The Buffet of Life
The best way I wrapped my head around the whole dream versus reality of what I could accomplish was to think of my life at this precise moment as a buffet. I know I hate them too... too many choices, the sneeze guard, all the random fingers in my food.. YUCK.. but stay with me here.
In the buffet of life we have a choice of our plate size; some big, some small. We can't compare plates with others because our plate and what we choose to fill it with are our own. Some days you choose to load heaps and mounds of food on your plate, and other days you choose only a few items. Their are days when the small plate suits your needs and others when only the big plate will fill your appetite.
Now think of your plate as what you take on. In the seasons of life, sometimes we are able to say yes to everything that comes our way. We expand and grow. We have a big, full plate. While other seasons, we have smaller plates. We need to say no more often to focus our energy into what matter most.
Well, if you haven't guessed, right now my plate is small. My kids need me, A LOT! My time is their time. Their is a lot in life that I need to say no to right now, not because I want to but because I have to. I have to learn to be okay with that, but it has definitely taken me time, insight and wise counsel to get there.
So even though it costs me much more money to buy snacks for my kids instead of making them like I want to, right now that's the better choice for me. I simply can't put one more thing on my plate; give up one more hour of my time. My super star mom status has taken a hit, but it's a hit I'm willing to take in order to have a little ME time.
Where Do You Stand?
Is your dream mom status a little closer to your reality than mine, or are you deep in the trenches of motherhood like me just happy to make it to the end of the day? What season of motherhood are you in, feast or famine?